Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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