you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
