i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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