the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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