so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
ttyl tear gas
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
