It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
