I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
