Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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