ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
