My first STD was from a foam party
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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