I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
