WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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