apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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