I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
