the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
