I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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