Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
