then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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