My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
