I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
