atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
