Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
