you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
