Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
