PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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