who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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