I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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