Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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