dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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