I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
