Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
