a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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