i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
