Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
