I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
