Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
