How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
