every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
