my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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