my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
