Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
