When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
