Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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