I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
