Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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