my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
