Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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