I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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