And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
