I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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