You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
