Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
