They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
