Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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