Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
