Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
