oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
