just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
worst night to have a conscience
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
