I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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