just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And then he peed in my hair
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