I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
